O is for Observe & Own

Welcome to Kokoro, where twice a month I send you thoughtfully chosen resources to help you get more of what you want through empowered decision making and improved self talk.

In this issue:

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-Erin

PS… On February 16 I’m hosting Ignite, a full day immersion workshop for folks who want to move a creative project or business idea from dreaming to doing.

The workshop has 3 parts:
1.⁠ ⁠Mindset shift into clarity and empowerment
2.⁠ ⁠Generate specific actions and ways to move forward
3.⁠ ⁠Focused co-working session to tackle those action steps right away and then celebrate!!!

First 10 to sign up get 1 free coaching session to support integration and next steps.

You can register here!

Words are magic. Not metaphorically — literally.

Adam Aleksic (known online as Etymology Nerd) traces this back to the roots. The word "spell" as in magic spell and "spell" as in spell a word come from the same source. He points to "abracadabra," which in Aramaic translates to "I create as I speak."

When you speak, you're shaping reality in the minds of others.

By the same token, when you say something to yourself, you're creating reality in your own mind. The stories you tell yourself — the mantras you repeat — aren't just positive thinking. They're literal spells you're casting on your own brain, shaping what you believe is possible, what actions you have the courage to take, and how resilient you are when things get hard.

This podcast episode (ReThinking with Adam Grant) also dives into some really fun slang (do you know the real origin story of 67?), but it's the exploration of language as magic that makes it worth a listen.

Turns out, most of us have a whole cast of characters running interference between us and what we want. The Positive Intelligence framework identifies ten specific "saboteurs" — patterns like the Pleaser, the Hyper-Achiever, the Controller — that masquerade as helpful but actually hold you back.

I absolutely love that the assessment doesn’t just describe your inner saboteurs. It also walks you through their thoughts, feelings, and beliefs; their overused strengths, their original survival function, and impact on self and others. It’s a goldmine of insight, well worth the 5 minutes.

Need Valentine's Day ideas? Having received this card deck of conversation prompts as a gift, I can endorse it makes a stellar present for a friend or lover.

Its design is like a classy three-course menu. You pick a question from the starter, main course, and dessert — all from categories like Ambition, Secrets, The Meaning of Life, and many others.

My partner and I dove into one of these menu cards on New Year's Eve and learned new, fascinating, tender, important things about each other. Even after 15 years together!

O is for Observe & Own Your Words: People often express self-limiting beliefs without even realizing it.

The most common and concrete one I see is difficulty accepting compliments.

I like this as an example because so much of the self-love topic seems squishy and hard to nail down. But if you have a hard time accepting compliments, you know it.

And once you observe that, you can trace backwards to the negative self-talk that’s causing you to feel unworthy.

Exercise: Do you have a hard time accepting compliments? If so, why? What’s the story you tell yourself about why you should deflect?

Observe that, then try re-writing it in a self-loving way (I call these “mantras”).

It can be anything you like – the only rule here is that the mantra must be something that can be true simply by your choice to believe it (e.g., “I’m worthy of praise” rather than “Everyone praises me”).

Repeat it twice a day, when you wake up and just before you go to bed. Science shows your brain is more open to suggestion then, and it’ll help the new thought-pattern stick.

This is exactly what we do in the Observe & Own Your Words phase of my L.O.V.E. Framework. I guide you to awareness of the words you say to yourself. From that place of awareness, you can choose.

Do you want to continue to speak to yourself in a way that limits you and holds you back? Or do you want to empower yourself — because no one else can do it for you.

It’s hard work. But it’s worth it.